A Trans Daughter Remembers Her Mother

Hey everyone. On World Transgender Remembrance Day where I celebrate the woman I am and the often challenging relationship I had with my mother. Have no doubt I did love my mum but she was a very socially and culturally conservative woman and though I think she wanted to support me she was too worried about what the neighbours would say at a time when few if any people had heard of transsexuals let alone understood them I have titled the poem A Trans Daughter Remembers Her Mother. I hope you find it a challenging enjoyable and thought provoking read

A Trans Daughter Remembers Her Mother

On this day remember me
the woman whose gender is acquired
now I live better life
filled with passion and with fire
the swan who once was the ugly duckling
but knew the picture didn’t tell
the story in her frames of reference
velvet promises flames of hell

Teenage truths disguised as secrets
pressure to conform was constant
always knew my inner woman
in a sterile stagnant Scotland
met with mother’s disapproval
worried what would neighbours think
her so-called boy
just didn’t do macho
far more at home as princess pink

tried to play the game by her rules
but she saw me in skirts and tights
always when the house was quiet
at the weekends usually nights
sometimes she would do my make up
teach me things I had to know
tell me mother-daughter secrets
as she watched me bloom and grow

she claimed I dressed up out of boredom
even when I reached sixteen
lived in denial when I changed from Jackie
to My Guy, Loving, and Just Seventeen
Yes of course I liked my football
loved my rugby hated golf
I liked sports that proper men played
shorts were on and trousers off

Still my feelings went unnoticed
some say ignorance is bliss
as for me I blushed so easily
when I saw I boy I wanted to kiss little miss innocent all wrapped in wrong body knew one day the world would see
the freedom loving woman of fairness
the flirty feisty fabulous me

I tried for years to change my nature
though in the end my nature won mum I know I am your daughter
more than I ever was a son
Happier kinder and more loving
the truth came out for all to see
I know your watching
now and always
so on this day remember me

@ Gayle Smith 2013


4 thoughts on “A Trans Daughter Remembers Her Mother

  1. Was this the poem you wanted to read at Red Ten? I couldn’t remember the name of it. But this is really powerful stuff Gayle; really moving. I think you’ve found the perfect art form to tell your story.

    • Hey Lisa-Marie I think I may have suggested The Lemon Dress but it’s good to see that you selected a different poem on the same theme and liked it. This is definitely one to think about for Ten Red.

      Best Wishes
      Gayle XXX

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