A Nobody Writes A Begging Letter On Behalf Of Blethers Together

Hey Everyone I have an exclusive for you it is the unofficial off the record response from the unionists to the Government’s white paper. I think it’s a begging letter. They claim they are going to raise something with this letter I think it is also white could it be the flag of surrender? I think it might be. Anyway, read on and decide for yourself.

A Nobody Writes A Begging Letter On Behalf Of Blethers Together

Dear Scottish Voter
I know I don’t say it much
but honestly I do care about you
Let us not abandon the red white and blue
of our kingdom
Scotland and England are better together
rather than alone by themselves
oh hell I nearly forgot the Welsh
and Northern Irish
but hey they don’t matter
as much you
I mean after all they’ve not got oil whisky, tourism, Susan Boyle
even Alex Salmond will be welcome
we need someone intelligent
to contribute to our debates
we are all second rate down here we really do fear you’ll leave
don’t go please stay
we’ll even put more Scots on television
and they won’t be token or drunk
at least not until the vote has been delivered
you are making me quiver in my boots I may never get my rewards
you know a seat in the lords
ermine robes
I know we have nothing to offer
and our promises are as transparent as the emperor’s new clothes
but you must understand
we are one nation
one land
and it’s my turn to be prime minister next
can’t you see I’m begging you to remember all things
we’ve shared
Iraq, Trident, Tony Blair even Alastair Darling
yes I know he’s no prince charming
but can’t you see
what this is doing to me?
these are the hardest words I’ve ever spoken and I don’t mean a single one of them
I have to get to number 10
and I can’t do it without your votes
so dear Scots don’t leave me in my hour of need
my heart will bleed
as my will chance of success
please don’t vote yes
I am your one your true saviour
Vote no then vote Conservative, Liberal Democrat or Labour
and I will take you to the land of broken promises

Yours Insincerely

A Nobody

On behalf of Blethers Together

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