Weather Warning

Hey everyone. Today I gather with a group of cultured friends at the home of Colin and Irene Storrie to celebrate the poetry of the man often claimed to be the world’s worst poet Scotland’s very own very own William Topaz McGonagall at the 10th annual McGonagall Supper. As part of the festivities we not only have to read a poem by the great man we also have to write and perform a poem in his very unique style. Believe me this is far more challenging than it sounds, well it’s never easy for a good poet to write a bad poem but that said it is enjoyable to put an individual take on what I think McGonagall would have made of the world we live in. Now I have finally written this year’s McGonagall poem I can finally breathe a sigh of relief that I’ve managed what I hope is a decent effort. This year I selected climate change as the topic of choice is climate due to the adverse and bizzare weather conditions we’ve been enduring in recent years and particularly in the last few months. I’ve given it the title Weather Warning, I hope you enjoy the read.

Weather Warning
It is I think most fair to say
the world has a problem which will not go away
The weather in our country has been behaving in a manner most strange
This I believe is due to something called climate change.

This has been caused by many factors it is true
and politicians on this subject all seem to have a view
unfortunately they have been unable to make a decision
on what to do on the burning of fossil fuels
which cause harmful greenhouse gas emissions

These gases interfere with the earth’s atmosphere
this means that the global weather patterns
do not arrive at the traditional time of year
even at this time of mid summer
I find hard to remember
that we are in the middle of June
and not the beginning of December

Yet Scotland and the United Kingdom Of Great Britain
still obsess over the price of oil
forgetting that if it ever spilled on the land
our lovely scenery and coastline it could spoil
this would cause great concern to those who work in farming and fisheries
not to mention who are gainfully employed in the tourist industry

On more mundane matters many older people just like to blether
and for most of them the favourite topic of choice has always been the weather
now however they are very confused
and in the words of queen Victoria they are most certainly not amused.

This weather is starting to cause havoc in our national conversation
this is especially true amongst the less informed in our nation
they used to know that the winter meant snow and the summer was sunny
It is difficult for them to cope with this change of climate
and many have told me they do not find it very funny

So dear politicians of the United Kingdom of Great Britain
you must set aside your differences and reach a decision
on climate change and what you will do help repair the earth’s atmosphere
and when you have reached that decision
to your people you must make it most clear.

Failure to take these necessary steps
will lead to a worsening impact of the greenhouse effect
a climate of chaos will therefore ensue
and many people will be so bewildered they will not know what to do

This will mean the fashion trade
will be thrown in to dispair
as due to temperatures changes
many people will not know what to wear
this could result and I give you fair warning
of winter coats being bought during July
and bikinis been seen on the beach on Christmas morning.

@ Gayle Smith 2015.


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