A Very Ugly Valentine

Hey everyone I can’t make up my mind as to whether this poem was written too late for this year or if it’s just a bit early for next year. It’s based on the idea of receiving the valentine from hell, you know the one you wouldn’t ever wanted through your letterbox from someone you really despise. I’ve given it the title of A Very Ugly Valentine. I hope you enjoy the read.

A Very Ugly Valentine.

Thank god I never got it through my door
not on valentine’s day
it would have spoiled the romantic ambiance
I was trying to create
as I strutted round the house
in my black silk lingerie
dimmed my the lights
I was ready for hot sex
my mood relaxed with scented candles
I didn’t want a valentine
in the shape of a union jack heart extolling the virtues of Nigel Farage
saying how proud he was
to represent woman like me
except he doesn’t and never will
I am a woman of taste, culture, and sophistication
I wouldn’t trust him with my nation
or for that matter anyone else’s
I just hope whoever got
this very ugly valentine came to their senses
and put it in the recycle bin quick
Mr I Love Britain may think he’s slick
but his image doesn’t do it for me
you see sometimes I wear tartan tights
and a t-shirt which says yes, yes, yes to Scotland
in pink or in green
I think not of England, Britain, or any other place
I know what puts a smile on my face
and that is private information
which unlike your last rolo
is not meant for sharing
sometimes I am daring
not afraid to take chances
I will make the first move
faster than Nigel can climb up the polls
I do not want to know about his plans
for immigration or border controls
my heart is my country
a place of which I can be
and am rightfully proud
all areas can be accessed
but ugly valentine’s are not allowed
which is why my lingerie is black
you see I have discovered
he and his kind are not fond of that colour

@ Gayle Smith 2015


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