Hey everyone Tonight I am going to see a show by a company which reformed last year and which I used to be a member of. The show, The Hired Man by GAP community theatre group had according to my feedback an excellent opening night last night so why am I bricking it more than the members of the cast and crew?
There is I think a very good reason for the butterflies dancing a conga all around my body. You see I was a member of the company in my pre transition days and tonight will be the first time the vast majority of the crowd will have met me since I started living as a woman on a full time basis in December 2008. Though some members have an online presence in my life and are very active members in my virtual village.
This however, doesn’t stop me from worrying as to how they’ll react when they see me in the flesh. I know I’m probably fretting over nothing or at least very little and everything will turn out fine, but in many ways this is worse than going on a date because I am meeting some people I haven’t seen for 20 years and I don’t want to let them down. It’s not like meeting a stranger and hoping you’ll like them, this is far more important than that. This is about wanting to create a good impression, and hoping and praying I manage to pull it off.
I know, a woman in her fifties shouldn’t get nervous going on a night out especially since I know many of the cast from back in the day. They were nice people then and they’ll be nice people now or so the logic goes. This is logic I happen to agree with, but I still can’t help worrying. It is the little things I’m bothered about, like have I chosen the right outfit? Is my make up done right? Have I over dressed for a school night?
One thing I’m not worried about is the show. I’m really looking forward to the it I think it will be brilliant and showcase the talents of a great group of performers. You see, I know how good the company is so I’m looking forward a cracking night, a great show, and hopefully a catch up at the end of it. After all, the cast will done their job and the their bow in front of what I’m sure will be a packed Lithgow theatre.
This will be the scariest part of the night and believe me it is then and only then I’ll know what butterflies and first night nerves
really feel like. Hopefully however, my nerves will disappear when I see the first friendly face and the butterflies will flutter by If I just get the little things right.
Love And Best Wishes
Gayle X
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