The Coldest Christmas

Hey everyone This post seasonal
poem looks at the harsh realities of living with someone with depression I have given it the title the Coldest Christmas and hope you find it out challenging and thought provoking read.

The Coldest Christmas

The season of goodwill will soon be over
not that I’ve known much of it this year
in this the coldest Christmas
I can recall
I sit staring at four walls
pretending to be happier than I am
In the corner of a living room which is tidier than its been for years
a television sits smashed in a Christmas eve rage
a precious ornament broken
by the force of an early morning storm
I struggle to cope with someone who is gentle but a prisoner to demons
on Christmas Day we sit silent barely speaking
all she wants to do is sleep
I weep silent tears
fearing this time of cheer could be her last
I think back to the watch night service
the air outside is fresh and clear
attempting to enjoy a mince pie
I try not to think about the future or getting ready to brace myself
for another year of debt and never ending bills
I think about popping pills
but then think no
why should I give up on her or myself
put my health at risk
It has to be better than this
the atmosphere in our home turned from sunshine with occasional showers
to storms, and an ice cold winter frost
seeking the shelter of darkness
I at least have the comfort of memories
to wrap my heart with warmth
as words colder than the coldest seasonal weather
are spoken by someone no longer in control
someone I cannot console
her Christmas frozen, colder
than the harshest snows of winter
Hopefully as reality dawns
she can start the long slow walk
to recovery
leaving in her past a winter where cruelty came calling
to the door of a heart left open
and exposed to the power of nature

@ Gayle Smith 2015

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