Hey everyone Last night I burst in tears and I couldn’t figure out why. I mean it’s not that I had received any bad news and both I and my flatmate were safe and well in our cosy wee flat. In fact if anything the news I did get was good, a younger friend had announced her engagement, Nicola Sturgeon had packed out the Caird Hall and one of my favourite musicians the brilliant Rachel Sermanni was celebrating her birthday so why the tears?
To be honest I don’t know, maybe it’s just part of being a woman. Well hormones can do funny things to us girls and this is one is definitely one of them. Another explanation is offered by my friend Lisa Marie Ferla who says it was just needed to clean out the system and on this occasion I think both of these reasons could be right.
When I posted about my feelings on Jeremy Kyle’s favourite social network I was surprised and delighted that many friends were so concerned for me, this has given me a great boost especially since I had been a wee bit on the emotional side. I think it must have something to do with this time of year, November more than most months presents its own unique challenges.
This is it fair to say a time for reflection. It is I think a time to look back over what has been and forward to what lies ahead. My emotions which do tend to rule my life far more than some would say they should. It is at this time as we began to get ready for party season and the pre Christmas rush, my mind kind of drifts towards January and Celtic Connections. A time of music, gatherings, and most of all friendships.
It is fair to say that some of the best friendships I have ever made have been made on those cold dark nights at the beginning of the year. These are the friends I refer to as my January family and though I may only see them during the first month of year it is and always will be those friends who can hold a place in my heart in a way that no others come remotely close to managing. It is this group above all others who can and do bring out the softer side of my nature and who see me at my kindest and my best
Don’t ask me why this is so just remember that it is and always will be. It is those friends I’ll shed tears for when I hear sad songs. You see they bring out the maternal side in me and in doing so remind me of the only regret I will ever have in this life and that is that because of a trick of biology I can never be a mum.
This breaks my heart every single day and it’s something I have kept quiet about until now. However though I may not be a mum I hope I have been and will continue to be a good auntie to those who need me. I don’t need to mention any names or at least I shouldn’t. Well if you don’t know who you are by now then you haven’t been paying attention.
It is fair to say that this time of year always tends to make me just a little bit emotional and when I listened to some sad songs they touched a corner of my heart I usually keep covered and as I thought of my January family the tears flowed like a river not due to sadness but due the pride I felt at being lucky enough to know them and the happiness they have brought to my life. I look forward to this coming January when I will see them all again and I will know what being part of a real family actually means.
In concluding this post I would like to thank all of those friends who posted their support to me
and I am truly grateful for your kind wishes. However if I could just say one thing sometimes women cry not because life is a bitch though there is no denying it can be but because we can’t believe how lucky we are to enjoy such amazing lives. Last night was one of those times and I am so glad I was able to cry for the kin god gave me as part of my Celtic heritage. This is my January family I may not see many of them that often but believe me they never far from my thoughts and are always in my heart.
Love And Best Wishes