Tears For Humanity and The Mum I’ll Never Be

Hey everyone Last week was a bad week for news  make no mistake about it. Everywhere you look there are horror stories which if they haven’t turned your stomach may i suggest you have absolutely no moral compass to guide you in your thought process.  Now i know that this may sound harsh to some people but trust me this post comes very much from the heart.

The bad news started with news of the murder of two innocent young children in France.  That young lives are ever so cruelly cut short is a tragedy beyond belief but the fact there it was their own father who perpetrated these horrific and hideous makes me sick beyond belief.  Speaking personally i was always brought up to believe that all life is scared but that children’s lives are not just scared they are precious. I mean surely one would have thought that no matter what troubles their parents may be going through that would be the one place a child could seek refuge. Sadly in this case and in so many others that appears no longer to be true.

The next story i found moved me was  the tornado which decimated the American state of Oklahoma destroying not only property but lives as it claimed 24 casualties in its wake. America has been enduring a tough time of since the Autumn of last year with Hurricane Sandy battering all of its eastern sea board and random acts of brutality and murder capturing global headlines but i have to say that my admiration for President Obama has improved with the way he has handled each and every crisis.

Now however for the worst attack of all  as a British Soldier who hacked to death on the streets of London by two men thought to be Muslim fanatics. I think this horror shocked the nation regardless of political persuasion was summed up with dignity by his grieving father and wife who said as a soldier he knew the risks he was taking on tour of Afghanistan and you when he was over there you could be prepared for bad news at that time buy you never expect that to happen in your own country.

Yes i did cry on seeing this story, i cried because as a transwoman of  a certain age, i realise that had i been born in the gender in which i now live every moment of my life i could have been a mother to a son of that age and this thought made incandescent with rage.  The idea that someone who had served their county in the dangerous hills of Afghanistan could be so callously murdered in his own capital city took me to a place far beyond fury.

This to me was evil of the most vile and stomach churning kind. You see the hormones you get throughout your journey as a  transwoman not only changes your physical appearance and shape it also makes prone to mood swings which can come at a moment’s notice and without any prior warning. 

This as every woman knows can play havoc with emotions as you move from being happy one minute to sad in the next and this has certainly been the case in what has been a week in which in my personal  life shared good times with valued friends but in the more public domain had to face an issue which brings perhaps the greatest sadness of all.

Meanwhile during the relative calm of a Friday afternoon a young woman whose friendship i cherish more than she will ever know tweets her friends to enjoy their night out. Under normal circumstances she would have been out partying with them but due an injury she has to stay in the house whilst they make more memories and reading this tweet makes me feel the pain of a maternal instinct which is destined never to be realised and i cry tears for humanity and for the mum i’ll never be.

Love And Best Wishes

Gayle X


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