Hey everyone. Yesterday was Mother’s Day or to give its more middle class name Mothering Sunday. It is when we remember our mothers and how they have influenced our lives. However the big question for me and for every other woman in Scotland is not did I remember those flowers or did I buy the right chocolates? No this question is far more important than those trivial issues. The question I want to ask is Does Every Daughter Turn In To Her Mother?
Well based on the evidence from my own life I think the answer may be yes but only to a certain extent. When I think of my mother and the gifts she gave me I think you’ll see what I mean
The first gift is her big blue eyes a good selection from nature’s gene pool if I say so myself. They were mum’s best feature and apart from my sexy killer legs I think they might be mine.
The second gift is an appreciation of good food. Well let’s honest be she was a brilliant cook and never gave me a plate of food I couldn’t clear. This has left me regretting the fact I don’t have her culinary skills and with a fascination for cookery programmes such as Come Dine With Me, Masterchef and Saturday Kitchen. Though I will admit the last one might have more to do with the fact I fancy the pants off James Martin.
The third and final gift could be viewed as both a blessing & a curse and that is a worrying nature. However I must admit having reached so-called maturity when I hit the big 50 last July I think its actually not such a bad thing. Ok It can lead to occasional guilt trips over the smallest of things, but overall I think it shows a concern for humanity & can mask a kind heart.
As for my mother and I, well its safe to say we had differences of opinion but we were born not just in different times but with different mindsets. It is the fact we have different mindsets that best illustrates that though similar we are not and never could be identical in nature.
My mother born in the early thirties was obviously shaped by the social conditions that made her. These were poverty, war, and post war austerity
In contrast I was born in the early 1960’s a time of optimism with JFK celebrating his first summer in the white house and high hopes a song by her favourite singer Frank Sinatra was the theme tune of the day.
This wee bit of information probably explains why mum was a social conservative who genuinely believed she was far more liberal minded than she actually was whereas being the child of a more liberal generation. I am more naturally inclined to be socially and culturally liberal in most areas and only apply conservative values to my personal morals.
My mother was a woman of strong opinions and had pre conceived ideas
as to the social order and structures of society. A place for everything and everything in its place that was her way of viewing life and was probably the reason why we had so many arguments on issues such as disability and gender identity. Well she just about coped with my posters of Donny & membership of the Osmonds Fan Club had she found my secret scrapbooks and back catalogues of Jackie however,that could have been a very different matter.
Other areas of conflict centred around politics and cultural identity. My mother actually believed you could be both Scottish and British where the very idea of that notion repulsed me from the first day I realised a bunch of oxbridge posh boys make Scotland’s laws.
As for cultural identity my mother definitely had the Scottish Cringe believing Scottish music and culture had a place only at New Year with wee bits on Burns night and St Andrews day. I on the other hand valued the music of both the Corries and the Osmonds and found a place for both as my own identity began to take shape. This was in no small measure due to the influence of her mother, yes its safe to say that my granny had a far more profound influence on my life than my mother.
However, sometimes I think its important to remember we are daughters not clones, and just as my mother was different from her mother because of the times that shaped them then I am different from my mum. So though i do believe that whilst we inherit some of our mothers character traits that every mother and daughter are unique individuals who come from different generations So though I think we do become a bit like more like our mothers over time. We will never be carbon copies of them and mothers throughout the world will be breathing sighs of relief about that.
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